Post-Wisconsin thoughts

I am full of being conflicted right now. Like, you don't even know.
The entire week was amazing. I was being an idiot with my worries. Even though at first it was a little awkward, it got increasingly better.
The first night was hard. He refuses to share things with me, which is very difficult. He also brought up what he called 'suicidal thoughts', which immediately got me thinking. I need to find a balance between my urge to help and nurture and be there for him and my less dominant urge of self-protection. After Alber, I don't know if I am ready to take on such serious problems.
Although I don't even know if he does have serious problems and thoughts or if he is blowing them up in his mind. Either way, I don't know if I can handle it.
I am trying to lighten him up on the 'existential crisis' talk though. I don't know if it is working, but I am going to keep pushing forward in that area. Maybe he needs to gain perspective by looking at it on a lighter note.
The sex was actually great. There was a lot of it. I can hardly keep up.
I am also slightly worried about my period this month. If anything goes wrong (allah korusun), I will be in, what they call, a pickle. I need to start having protected sex. Maybe I should go on the pill.
We were overall very boyfriend-girlfriend. Very comfortable with each other. It was much easier to talk to him this time. He seems to be very much into me.

Now, the talk we had.
I was planning to talk to him after I got back, but after my dream last night, I just couldn't wait. Also, my new moral standard is 'what would Ochoa think'. Since apparently I have no moral standards whatsoever, I think this will guide me well for now. So, I brought it up this morning.
I am confused by the whole experience.
The phrases I can remember:

"I wouldn't call this a long distance relationship, we are just friends"
"I can come to New Jersey every month"
"Now I know what not to do in a long distance relationship"
"We can always change our minds the next time we see each other (me). Or any time before that (him)".
"We will see each other when we see each other".

These are the three really distinct ones I remember. I will keep posting them as they come to me.
I opened the conversation with what I wanted, which was I don't think I can do a long distance exclusive relationship right now. He took it pretty well, and went on to say that there weren't too many options to pick from, which I disagree. I told him I liked him and I didn't want to throw things away, and asked him maybe we want to do an open relationship, to which he responded with the 'just friends'. Except for that sentence, I felt like he wanted to do something serious. So I don't know if he 'friendsed' me because he thought that was what I wanted, or because he was hurt by my suggestion to keep things non-exclusive. If the first, I would rather know how he really feels. If the second, I had enough of that shit to last me for a lifetime, thank you very much.
No more passive-aggressive bullshit allowed in my life.
Now we are making plans to see each other again. It is so weird. I don't know how I will feel about him or someone else in the next minute, so even though I really want to see him now, I am afraid of making long-term plans with him. I don't know if this feeling will go away soon. Soon, being relative to my life.