The title of this blog post is 'how do I manage to fuck up everything?'.
I am in the world's smallest fishtank.
The only tool I have is to get drunk. So I can get away from the voices in my head. But when I do get drunk, the voices in my head turn into actions. And sober me has to deal with the consequences.
New strategy is 'fake it till you make it'. I don't know if it actually works. It has also occurred to me that this could be a negative feedback mechanism to my self-exacerbating problem.
You can understand that I am no longer drunk from my use of more complex words and phrases.
I am diligently building this image of myself, full of paradoxes, and then getting upset at myself for hiding behind it. I don't even know if I can get away from it now. I think this is my thing in Quad from now on. It doesn't really matter if I abstain from drinking, or if I say I will and not.
Pretending to not care does not actually work. If you don't care, you don't have to pretend. That is the whole point.
There is just so much self-disappointment in this story..
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