I am in a craving to care about someone. It could be plural or singular, but I am not content just being bleh about everyone.
My mind craves confusion and obsession.
So I manufacture connections and interests and loves. I hang onto them as if for my dear life.
And then I feel sad and moody and disappointed when the other person doesn't care as much.
Or I spend all my resources to keep the interest alive, and real, when the other person does care as much (or more).
It slips me that my caring was not authentic in the first place. I don't even know if that is important.
I am a fake.
I don't know what feeling to trust anymore.
Maybe I just like feeling sad. That's fucked up.
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