1. The vicious cycle (fucking up, avoiding confrontation, assuming I will have gone psycho bitch and overreact, get defensive, and make me incredibly mad by avoiding me and getting defensive, then calling yourself right for assuming that I would overreact. The thing I am reacting to is different in this case you idiot.)
2. Assuming I am attacking your weed habits when I ask you to spend time with me in the room, since you interpret me asking you home is a ploy to distract you from your weed. So you respond defensively and be mean about it, and come home an hour even after you say you would, then make all this talk about how I am trying to change you, when I was the one who thought that smoking would help your stomach pain and I just wanted to spend time with you while I was sick
3. Not showing that you care - not calling/texting/visiting me throughout my sickness, and put the things you want to do over the things I want to do while I am sick (I try to get in contact with you constantly and worry about you when you are sick. you don't even five a shit)
4. Being extremely condescending by treating me like I am a dog with rabies and avoiding me for as long as you can, then blame me for being mad.
5. Impossible for you to accept fault - deflecting your responsibility on other things: stomach pain, weed, forgetfullness, acid, my response, me, friends... These things might still be a factor, but they don't take away responsibility from you. Start taking responsibility for yourself, and stop putting it on other things. And you asked for my empathy, and here it is: I would not get rid of responsibility either if I were in your position
6. Acting like everything is fine when it is not fine. Everything is not fine. I will not forget about it when you hug me. I don't want you to hug me right now. Stop hugging me.
7. Lying to me: saying that you'll be back at 12.30ish and coming back an hour later, saying that you'd visit me during the day and not coming.
8. Not trying to understand where I am coming from, and trying to push me back at any point you can.*This is the shit that hurts me. Just let your pride to the side and fucking listen to me! If I am more experienced, I am more sensitized to things that I know will hurt me, and desensitized to other things that I know will hurt the relationship. Appreciate this, and try to learn from the things that I say will hurt me when they are about smaller things so they don't get bigger. Also, don't project your responsibility on this too - if I am getting mad, it is because you fucked up, not because I am over-sensitive.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
I am done with this shit.
I am here today to make two vows.
One is the take no bullshit vow. I vow to myself that I will not make excuses for other people who claim to be my friends and still treat me like shit. I will not ignore people's rude and sexist comments about me, turn my head when they disrespect me and my body, will not laugh it off when they feel entitled to treat me in a certain way because they think they know so much about me. A person who is a big enough asshole to feel like it is okay to kiss me on the shoulder while I am hugging my boyfriend and expects me to be okay with it because he was drunk is no longer my friend. And if I have opened up to you about being sick of this treatment and showed you my vulnerability, and you showed me your sympathy, you cannot let it feed your fantasies about me. And you cannot treat me the same shitty way everyone else does because you think it is funny, and you cannot assume that I will forgive you because you didn't mean to hurt me and because we are friends.
From now on, only people who see me not as a girl, not as a slut, not as a geek, not as a drunk, but as a person will be granted interaction. Only people who respect my boundaries and wishes will be eligible to be my friends, and only those who find it within themselves to empathize with me, and not judge me for anything I might say to them or do will I be vulnerable around.
Everyone else can go fuck themselves.
And secondly, I know that it is hard for Dom to adjust to being in a relationship, since he was never accountable to anyone in his life and now he is accountable to me, but this is pure bullshit. You might have a problem with being restrained in certain parts of your life, but honey let me tell you this. You will never find anyone who will let you do as whatever the fuck you want as me. Because I have been through a truly restrained a relationship. And I know how much it sucks. So don't come bitching at me when I ask you to be with me one night alone when I am sick, but you want to go to Quad to smoke. Because this is what you do when the person you love is sick and in pain and lonely. You go be with them for as long as you can. You don't fucking put your pot over them. This is pure bullshit. And if I want to watch Finding Nemo for a night, you suck it up and watch it for the fucking hour and a half, because I am sick, and I miss you all day, and I am in pain. It just doesn't cut it to say aawww and I am sorry whenever I am sick around you. Fuck this.
If you don't adjust to this soon, I am just saying, I will move on. I will no longer need you, or want you around me when I am sick, and then you will regret it. You will regret not coming to the room early and sitting your ass down to watch a movie with me when you no longer get to do that. And you will regret telling me that you have to wake up early so you have to go to bed early, and then tell me that you will be at Quad until past midnight. Because guess what, I am going to sleep early tonight, and you are going to have to sleep at your precious Quad, cuddling your stupid weed.
One is the take no bullshit vow. I vow to myself that I will not make excuses for other people who claim to be my friends and still treat me like shit. I will not ignore people's rude and sexist comments about me, turn my head when they disrespect me and my body, will not laugh it off when they feel entitled to treat me in a certain way because they think they know so much about me. A person who is a big enough asshole to feel like it is okay to kiss me on the shoulder while I am hugging my boyfriend and expects me to be okay with it because he was drunk is no longer my friend. And if I have opened up to you about being sick of this treatment and showed you my vulnerability, and you showed me your sympathy, you cannot let it feed your fantasies about me. And you cannot treat me the same shitty way everyone else does because you think it is funny, and you cannot assume that I will forgive you because you didn't mean to hurt me and because we are friends.
From now on, only people who see me not as a girl, not as a slut, not as a geek, not as a drunk, but as a person will be granted interaction. Only people who respect my boundaries and wishes will be eligible to be my friends, and only those who find it within themselves to empathize with me, and not judge me for anything I might say to them or do will I be vulnerable around.
Everyone else can go fuck themselves.
And secondly, I know that it is hard for Dom to adjust to being in a relationship, since he was never accountable to anyone in his life and now he is accountable to me, but this is pure bullshit. You might have a problem with being restrained in certain parts of your life, but honey let me tell you this. You will never find anyone who will let you do as whatever the fuck you want as me. Because I have been through a truly restrained a relationship. And I know how much it sucks. So don't come bitching at me when I ask you to be with me one night alone when I am sick, but you want to go to Quad to smoke. Because this is what you do when the person you love is sick and in pain and lonely. You go be with them for as long as you can. You don't fucking put your pot over them. This is pure bullshit. And if I want to watch Finding Nemo for a night, you suck it up and watch it for the fucking hour and a half, because I am sick, and I miss you all day, and I am in pain. It just doesn't cut it to say aawww and I am sorry whenever I am sick around you. Fuck this.
If you don't adjust to this soon, I am just saying, I will move on. I will no longer need you, or want you around me when I am sick, and then you will regret it. You will regret not coming to the room early and sitting your ass down to watch a movie with me when you no longer get to do that. And you will regret telling me that you have to wake up early so you have to go to bed early, and then tell me that you will be at Quad until past midnight. Because guess what, I am going to sleep early tonight, and you are going to have to sleep at your precious Quad, cuddling your stupid weed.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
things that should be allowed to be used in essays:
LOL - by SO
- i shit you not
- you feel me
- no but get this
- i’m just sayin
- let me explain you a thing
- and yeah
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